ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
