My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize