Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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