Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
