i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
