I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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