Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
