Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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