Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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