I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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