omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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