I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
