No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
