Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
