do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
