1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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