So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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