Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
