You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
