i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
