i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
