He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
