And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
