and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize