I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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