Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
