Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
