Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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