The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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