Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
