I'm jealous of your bromance
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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