I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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