I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
