I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
