What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
