hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
