Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
