i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Randomize
