had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
