My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
