Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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