That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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