Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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