you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
