can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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