What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
