New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
