How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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