He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
