We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
