'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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