Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
