I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
