i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
