i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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