we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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