it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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