she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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