I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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