just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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