don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
