There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
