I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
