I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
