do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
