Your face is a jimmy john
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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