can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
