Im at strip club and am horny
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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