I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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