She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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